Glesga Facts

FACTS ABOUT GLASGOW
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN GLASGOW TOO LONG WHEN...
YOU SAY "PISH" ALL THE TIME!
YOU SAY "AYE" ALL THE TIME!
YOU END SENTENCES WITH "MAN" I.E... "THAT PLACE IS PURE
PISH, MAN! AH'M NO' GOIN' THEE, MAN!"
YOU THINK McEWAN’S LAGER IS GREAT, IGNORING THE FACT
IT "TASTES OF PISH MAN"
YOU GET AN URGE TO DECK EVERYBODY YOU MEET
YOU DECK EVERYBODY YOU MEET.
PEOPLE SEEM TO BE SCARED OF YOU WHEN YOU TELL THEM
WHERE YOU’RE FROM.
YOU AUTOMATICALLY GET THE URGE TO KILL ON HEARING
THE WORDS "EDINBURGH" OR "ENGLAND"
ARE YOU LIVING TOO CLOSE TO GLASGOW? THE TELL TALE SIGNS ARE:
YOUR MISSUS HAS A POSTER OF ANDY GORAM SMILING.
YOU LET YOUR 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SMOKE AT THE
DINNER TABLE IN FRONT OF HER KIDS.
YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED THREE TIMES AND STILL HAVE THE
SAME IN-LAWS.
YOU THINK A WOMAN'S "OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE" BECAUSE
SHE ASKS FOR A GLASS WITH HER TENNENTS SUPER.
THE PHRASE "THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!" REMINDS YOU THE
OFF-LICENCE HAS JUST OPENED.
YOU WISH YOUR TOILET WAS AS CLEAN AS THE ONE IN THE
BUS STATION.
AT LEAST ONE MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY HAS DIED RIGHT
AFTER SAYING "HEY, WATCH THIS!"
YOU THINK DOM PERIGNON IS A MAFIA LEADER.
YOUR WIFE'S HAIRDO IS RUINED BY A CEILING FAN.
ONE (OR MORE) OF YOUR KIDS WAS CONCEIVED ON A PUB
POOL TABLE.
YOUR BACK DOOR COAL BUNKER IS IDEAL FOR THE
ROTTWEILER TO RAISE ITS PUPS.
YOU ONLY NEED ONE MORE STAMP ON YOUR CARD TO GET
A FREEBIE AT TAM'S TATTOOS.
YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED TO YOUR CHILDHOOD
SWEETHEART BECAUSE OF THE CURRENT BESTIALITY LAWS.
YOU THINK "LOADING THE DISHWASHER" MEANS GETTING
YOU’RE MISSUS PISHED.
THE SOUNDTRACK ON YOUR WEDDING VIDEO ENDS WITH
THE LOUDHAILER MESSAGE: "THIS IS THE POLIS!"