Due to increasing products liability litigation alcohol manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcohol containers:
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like thish.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species or name you cannot remember).
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome and smarter than some really, really big guy named Dave.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe fat, ugly people are slim and attractive.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING
Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time seem to literally disappear.
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